Lonely

Aiko,

Not really sure how to state this, so I'm just going to go for it. Nothing really makes me happy anymore and it's been like that for quite sometime (I'm 17 and I've felt like that since I was around 14 - when I entered high school). Lately, I've been "self-harming" (I don't know what started it, but I've been doing it since around October and it seems as if I think about it non-stop; like I can't control it). Sometimes I have, I guess you could say suicidal thoughts and bouts of anger or sadness for no apparent reason, but I would never act upon them for fear of hurting (emotionally - I know - it sounds conceited) the people that are closest to me. Overall, things just seem unreal and at times, like for months-length, things will get better, but then they come crashing back down at the blink of an eye and I feel far worse then before and by far more detached.
I also tend to talk to myself when I'm alone as if someone else is there, but the thing is, is that I know no one else is there (like I'm not in a deluded fantasy; I know what is going on). I've done this for a while. For example, I'll be sitting in my room alone and I'll speak out loud as if I'm talking to someone else or a group of people and I tend to have all right conversations. i tend to also act out little scenarios, like just talking to friends or something. I mean, I know no one's really there, but it is just because I'm kind of lonely and sometimes these scenarios seem so real and they make me happier, but it's like they fully control my emotions (like they can easily make me sad, or angry, just as they do happy). At times, I can't really control it, like I'll just start speaking as if someone is there. Is this alright? I mean, do I have a problem that I should try to work on and fix? Is this just adolescence or should I try talking to someone because I'm not really sure how long I could take this. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Apologies for the lengthy question/description.

I just don't know what to do.

-anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

 Try thinking about others for a change. Instead of dwelling on your own self pity, try reaching out to others.  Compliment others often, this will cheer you up a lot. Get involved with a volunteer or hobby group in your community so that you come in contact with more people on a regular basis, then you can begin to make more friends.  The more you think about others and the less you think about your self will make you feel so much better.

Sincerely,

Aiko